August 19, 2019

The Creasters Are Coming

Yes, folks, it is that time of year again.

Do you remember those Catholics that jammed the local parish churches last Easter?

Well, they are making plans to attend the same Masses on Christmas. To make matters worse for the faithful, in years when Christmas falls on a Sunday, they receive “a two-for.” In such years, Catholics that attend Mass on either Saturday evening December 24th or Sunday December 25th will have fulfilled their obligation for both Sunday and Christmas. As you might suspect, this “deal” creates an even greater reason for the Creasters to make their pilgrimage to the local church.

As a clarification for those who do not know what the term Creaster stands for, it is the combination of Christmas and Easter. Sadly, for many of these Catholics, these will be the only two feasts of the liturgical year that they will attend. Given that these faithful view as optional the other Sundays and Feast Days throughout the liturgical year, the name Creaster was coined.

Now I doubt the collection will double but it will rise substantially, as those who attend Mass only twice a year often feel a deep obligation to make up for the other 52 Sundays that they do not attend. In anticipation, extra collection baskets are being prepared to handle the excess change and loose currency that will find its way into the basket. As you might surmise, Creasters don’t use envelopes as this would require them to register with the parish. After all, why bother with registration when you only attend Mass twice a year?

Now in addition to the extra collection baskets, parish staffs have also begun the annual preparation of setting up the folding metal chairs and speakers in areas of the church property normally not used for Mass – hallways, cloak rooms, parking lots, etc. Creasters like to sit up front as they feel a need to be noticed. In light of all this, the modus operandi for regular, registered parishioners will be to once again occupy their seats in the parking lot unless they have made preparations to arrive at the church two hours early. Another concern will continue to surround the changes in the New Roman Missal [2011]. Still unaware or unfamiliar with these, the Creasters will loudly respond:

And also with you.

As for me, I have sent a couple of proposed changes to the Mass to the Vatican but have yet to hear back. One of the changes that I proposed was to have communion right after the collection.

Why, you ask?

Well, this would give the Creasters time to hear the words of Christ, donate to the collection and leave church right after communion. They will leave right after communion anyway so why make them wait until the end of Mass. Many of the seats would then be available to the regular faithful sitting in the parking lot. The second suggestion was the ability to issue seat tickets similar to attending a Tigers or Lions game. Each seat would have a specific designation like Choir A4 or Main Aisle D5. These advance tickets would be distributed to the regular parishioners along with the Holiday Mass schedule. Needless to say, the Creasters would most probably be angry. I had thought of reserving a section of the church for the Creasters called Bi-Annual Ticket Holder’s Seating at a price of $25.00 per seat. It might bring in more than their donations.

Have a Merry Christmas!

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Written by
Donald Wittmer

DONALD WITTMER is a retired business executive who held key roles in the automotive and banking sectors. For a time, he also served as a Fiscal Agency Manager for the Detroit branch of the Federal Reserve Bank of Chicago. He received his undergraduate degree from Cincinnati's Xavier University, an M.A. in business management from Central Michigan University, and earned certification in bank operations from the School of Banking at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. A husband, father, and grandfather, he teaches part-time at the Kent Place School for Girls in Summit, New Jersey.

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Written by Donald Wittmer
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