I have written before about the disturbing, dangerous college activity of hooking up, where a couple meet for the first time at a party and conclude the evening by having a sexual encounter. And although I had no intention of writing about it again, I came across a blog entry in the Huffington Post that I simply could not ignore. Written by two female students at Tufts University under the blog “Dateless Diva,” it is, I believe, an honest appraisal of the deleterious effects of the hookup culture on women. At the same time, although the authors might not admit it, it is a condemnation of the Feminist ideology that casual sex is not only a wonderful experience but one that places women on a sexual par with men. Letʼs take a look.
Divaʼs thoughts are at times self-contradictory and often sad and tragic. She begins her essay with a confession of her naivete: “Hollywood gave me a very false impression of what I should expect from the college-dating scene: the frat boy with the heart of gold, just waiting till the right strong- willed, funny girl comes along to show him what he has been missing? [sic] These things donʼt exist where I live–not even close.” She adds, “The slim likelihood that I will ever have a meaningful relationship in college used to make me sad–now it just makes me really angry.”
One must assume that she is angry at men, particularly the ones with whom who she has had a one-night hookup. She writes, “. . . at Tufts the real gender inequality is that women are overtly treated like disposable beings.” Thereʼs more. “A mangy beast of epic proportions, the hookup wreaks emotional havoc on most women . . . leaving them with anything from Plan B [Morning After Pill] to a broken heart.” Later, Diva refers to the “lethal hookup culture” and ponders, “Why my generation has chosen this self-destructive path to STD heaven is beyond me . . .”
Thatʼs strong language, but then we have these contradictions: “While hooking up can be a lot of fun . . .” and “Iʼm certainly not saying that all hookups are bad.” Itʼs as if Diva has to backtrack in order not to appear “uncool” or “old-fashioned.” She knows what the truth is but feels she must inject the disclaimer. Once thatʼs out of the way, she resumes the attack.
She admits that, according to the unwritten rules, she is “prohibited” from asking a guy to hang out together in daylight, to have a monogamous relationship, or actually go out on a date. She feels “stupid” for asking a guy for a real relationship. She summarizes the problem: “Why are girls so impressed by so little effort? Itʼs treated as some sort of miracle if a guy texts his hookup sober (Thatʼs so sweet! He must really like you!) and an act of God if they see each other in the daytime . . .” Why impressed, indeed?
What Diva and other women who hookup fail to understand is that they have put the caboose in the front of the train and the engine in the back. Then they are angry that the train is not moving anywhere. Christian psychologist Dr. James Dobson describes Twelve Steps to Intimacy, and cautions that skipping the order of the steps will almost always destroy any chance the couple might have of developing a real relationship. These steps are worth examining:
- Eye to Body–A glance that determines if the couple will be attracted to each other.
- Eye to Eye–Their eyes meet for the first time. If a smile ensues, that is a signal that they might want to become better acquainted.
- Voice to Voice–A simple conversation where each person gets to know about the otherʼs likes, dislikes, habits, etc.
- Hand to Hand–The first actual physical contact. The man might offer his hand to help her out of a car. (If hand to hand continues, then a romantic relationship has been developed.)
- Hand to Shoulder–This is a noncommittal action, sometimes called the “buddy” position. It is probably not romantic.
- Hand to Waist–This is clearly romantic. They share secrets and some intimate language.
- Face to Face–The couple gaze into each otherʼs eyes. They hug and kiss and communicate deeply. Sexual desire blossoms.
- Hand to Head–The couple cradle or stroke each otherʼs head while talking or kissing. This is a sign of a close emotional bond.
- Hand to Body
- Mouth to Breast
- Touching Below the Waist
The final four steps above are clearly sexual and private, and explanations are unnecessary. Dr. Dobson insists that they should only occur within the context of marriage.
I am going to assume that a hookup involves Step One and maybe Step Two, but from there it will more than likely move to Step Twelve. Yet Diva canʼt figure out why these encounters donʼt move forward into something meaningful. Still, there may be some hope. Near the end of the article, she writes about the girl who gets her heart broken after a hookup: “If a guy wanted to treat her better, he would. If he wanted her to be his girlfriend, she would be.” Amen, sister. Now all you have to do is stop listening to Feminist claptrap, use your common sense, cherish your God-given dignity, and find a man who rejects the hookup culture. Do that and there is a great chance that you might not only have a real date, but you might find a man worth marrying.