March 4, 2013, Washington, DC: President Obama will use the upcoming Senate recess, sometimes referred to as a โweekend,โ to personally appoint the next Vicar of Christ.
The new Pontiff will be the presidentโs 33rdย recess appointment during the four years he and his party have controlled both the White House and the Senate. Sources close to the White House have already begun speculating on just who President Obama will select to head the worlds more than one billion Catholics.
โA lot of people in Washington are saying itโs going to be Bill (Maher),โ said one White House aide, leaking on the condition of anonymity. โThe president clearly likes the kind of changes he (Maher) has proposed for the Universal Church in the past. Not to mention the million bucks Bill gave toward the election campaign. I mean, that canโt hurt, right?
Maher, a comedian and HBO television host, could not be reached for comment.
Presidential appointments going to major campaign donors is nothing new to the Obama administration and, according to CNN, that listย ย now includes top candidates for the U.S. ambassadorships to France, England, South Africa, and Canada.
Said former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, โPersonally, I would like to see (Dennis) Rodman get it. He has a hell of an international presence right now โ not even I could get a meeting with that Kim guy in North Korea. Plus, he is used to wearing dresses and crazy jewelry.โ
Obama Press Secretary Jay Carney answered questions about the pending appointment during his daily briefing to the White House press corps. โHe (Obama) won the election fair and square. Itโs clearly his prerogative to select the new Pope. If youโre a Catholic in say, Nicaragua or Mozambique, and you donโt like the presidentโs decision on who should be the Successor to Peter, then maybe you should give some serious thought to other religions.โ
[The preceding article is tagged and intended as satire]