March 4, 2013, Washington, DC: President Obama will use the upcoming Senate recess, sometimes referred to as a “weekend,” to personally appoint the next Vicar of Christ.
The new Pontiff will be the president’s 33rd recess appointment during the four years he and his party have controlled both the White House and the Senate. Sources close to the White House have already begun speculating on just who President Obama will select to head the worlds more than one billion Catholics.
“A lot of people in Washington are saying it’s going to be Bill (Maher),” said one White House aide, leaking on the condition of anonymity. “The president clearly likes the kind of changes he (Maher) has proposed for the Universal Church in the past. Not to mention the million bucks Bill gave toward the election campaign. I mean, that can’t hurt, right?
Maher, a comedian and HBO television host, could not be reached for comment.
Presidential appointments going to major campaign donors is nothing new to the Obama administration and, according to CNN, that list now includes top candidates for the U.S. ambassadorships to France, England, South Africa, and Canada.
Said former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, “Personally, I would like to see (Dennis) Rodman get it. He has a hell of an international presence right now – not even I could get a meeting with that Kim guy in North Korea. Plus, he is used to wearing dresses and crazy jewelry.”
Obama Press Secretary Jay Carney answered questions about the pending appointment during his daily briefing to the White House press corps. “He (Obama) won the election fair and square. It’s clearly his prerogative to select the new Pope. If you’re a Catholic in say, Nicaragua or Mozambique, and you don’t like the president’s decision on who should be the Successor to Peter, then maybe you should give some serious thought to other religions.”
[The preceding article is tagged and intended as satire]
