March 5, Washington, DC: In a formal ceremony held at the National Archives today, President Barack Obama and Vice President Joe Biden added their signatures to the Declaration of Independence.
“Given the historic nature of my Presidency, I felt it was important that I be represented on this equally historic document, the president said.
“The Declaration of Independence is a living document,” remarked Mr. Obama during his brief comments. “If they were alive today, would the founding fathers want us to separate ourselves from an oppressive, detached government that taxed its citizens against their interests? Who can say? The important thing is that, having won the election, it is now my duty to do the will of the American people and sign the Declaration of Independence.”
Mr. Obama used no less that fifteen pens to sign his name on the storied sheet of vellum parchment which was originally signed on August 2, 1776 and had not been signed since 1781 when Thomas McKean, originally an omission, added his signature.
“Elections have consequences. Frankly, the McKean signing established a legal precedent that people can go ahead and sign the thing pretty much whenever. And that’s what the voters in November asked me to do,” Mr. Obama added. “At last there will be someone on the thing who public children will be taught about – me.”
Vice President Biden was even briefer in his remarks.
“I drew a mighty cool robot,” he said.
Above photo caption: The Declaration of Independence as it now appears, including the vice presidents’ drawing of a robot.
[The preceding article is tagged and intended as satire]
