March 22, 2013, Washington, D.C.: With more and more workers giving up all hope of ever earning a living, the United States unemployment rate has fallen to its lowest level since 2007. Lauding his “War on Jobs” initiative, President Obama has promised this is just the beginning.
“We can make zero unemployment a reality in our lifetimes by simply eliminating all jobs everywhere,” the president has pledged.
Working-age Americans who stop looking for a job and become a permanent member of a government-dependent underclass fall out of official unemployment calculations. Since Barack Obama took office in January of 2009, 8.5 million Americans have left the labor force forever. As a result of this progress, unemployment in the U. S. has been lowered to 7.7 percent.
President Obama has promised to move forward with his job-killing programs even if it means acting without Congress.
“If the House will not act on these important measures, we will find ways to get this done without them,’ he said.
The so-called “War on Jobs” program has included punitive policies against the energy, finance, health care, and transportation industries that are designed to restrict hiring and even downsize existing staffing, leading to an accelerated decline in the unemployment rate. Due to concerns that that small business might pick up some of the workers shed by larger corporations, prohibitively expensive health care reform was enacted as a way to tie up the more limited resources of the nations’ small business owners.
According to White House calculations, the unemployment rate should drop an average of 0.1 percent per month, and that by the second quarter of 2019, unemployment figures should officially stand at zero percent as the last working American, industrial pipe-fitter David Slowikowski of Rapid Falls, Iowa, will lose his job and begin the process of applying for Welfare.[The preceding article is tagged and intended as satire]