August 21, 2019

Political Satirists Return From Month-Long Tahitian Retreat

Political satirists across the country went back to work today after a month-long “professional development” retreat in the Pacific island paradise of Tahiti, only to discover that current political news just isn’t that damn funny.

The weeks-long immersion in a strict regimen of luxury spa treatments, pink sand beaches, over-water bungalows, flawless weather, and $500-a-bottle scotch was meant to inspire the satirists to become funnier in their attempts to skewer the political news of the day. Unfortunately, they returned to a country bereft of anything funny, and political stories too absurd to parody.

“Waste of time if you ask me,” lamented me, the Humble Author.

“All that sun tan oil. All those dives into crystal clear water, swimming with a veritable jewelry box of tropical fishes. For what?  For Obama saying ‘God bless you’ to Planned Parenthood?  The White House claiming that Benghazi was so long ago we should basically stop worrying about it? Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick forming a panel to get to the bottom of the government cover-up of UFOs? How on earth do you work with this? Reality is now so utterly absurd that it defies parody,” I said.

According to me, satirists find themselves between the proverbial rock and a hard place after working all of April to become funnier – mostly while watching bikini-clad beauties walk under swaying palm trees at sunset.

“On one hand, the issues are now so serious we shouldn’t make fun. On the other hand, the positions are so ludicrous there is no making them funnier. I have spent the entire day with my mouth hanging open, staring at the internet, not knowing what to do next,” I bemoaned.

“Maybe I should just head back to the island and get another $1,500 tattoo.”

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Humble Author

HUMBLE AUTHOR resides in the snows of Valley Forge, a place named in honor of that Most Hallowed Place where a handful of our fellow citizens once made an arduous, lonely, yet blessedly fateful stand. He is committed, through his own poor efforts, to provide a faint light for the way in this new darkness, and a few peaceful arms for the long battle that lies ahead.

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