As Christians, We’re Called to Forgive

As Christians, We’re Called to Forgive

A womanโ€”weโ€™ll call her Jackieโ€”had been sexually abused by her own father when she was a little girl. It took her a long time to recover from the emotional damage, and the sense of anger and betrayal, but eventually she did, and she married a man who treated her with love and respect. They had several children, and were very happy together. Much later, after her children were fully grown, and after years of no contact with her father, Jackie received a letter from him telling her he had become a Christian, joined a local church, and had asked for and received Godโ€™s forgiveness. He said he also realized how terribly he had sinned against her, and so he was asking her forgiveness. This letter stirred up powerful feelings in Jackie; her first reaction was โ€œIt isnโ€™t fair! He needs to pay for what he did to me!โ€ Jackie felt bitter, thinking, โ€œHeโ€™s getting off too easilyโ€”plus his new church is probably killing the fattened calf for him, and heโ€™ll invite me to the party, and expect to become part of my familyโ€™s life! No, it isnโ€™t fair!โ€

That night Jackie had a dream in which she was wearing a white robe of righteousness, with her father standing nearby in a prison outfit, representing his terrible crimes against her. Then she saw God handing her father a white robe just like hers, and she woke up crying out, โ€œNo! It isnโ€™t fairโ€”what about me?โ€ Then she suddenly realized she was behaving just like the older brother in the story of the prodigal son. Jackie wept as she pondered this, and was able to admit to herself that she hadnโ€™t actually earned her white robeโ€”it was a gift won for her by Christโ€™s death on the Cross. She also admitted that if God wanted to offer this same gift to her father, she had no right to object. It took a while, but Jackie was finally able to pray for her father, forgive him, and experience Godโ€™s peace (Craig Larson, Choice Contemporary Stories & Illustrations, p. 93). There are probably times when all of us have felt like the older brother in Our Lordโ€™s parable, resenting someone who seems to get away with things even as weโ€™ve carefully followed the rules and stayed out of trouble. However, in this Year of Mercy now being observed by the Church, Jesus wants us to understand that every good thing we have is His gift, including our own personal righteousness and our ability to live out our faith. If we insist on keeping score, God will be forced to treat us according to strict justice; only if weโ€™re merciful toward those whoโ€™ve hurt us are our hearts able to receive the forgiveness and peace we ourselves need, while experiencing the fullness of Godโ€™s blessings.

When the Israelites worshipped a golden calf in the desert, God had every right to destroy them for their sin, but He allowed Moses to intercede on their behalfโ€”for, as someone once said, if Justice is Godโ€™s middle name, Mercy is His first name. St. Paul had a profound personal experience of this mercy. He tells us, โ€œChrist Jesus came into the world to save sinners,โ€ and he lists himself as a foremost beneficiary of divine mercy. Paul was transformed from the Churchโ€™s fiercest persecutor into its greatest missionary. Divine grace can work miracles of forgivenessโ€”but our hearts must be open. In Jesusโ€™ Parable of the Prodigal Son, it took poverty, humiliation, and starvation to bring the younger son to this point. Even as he opened his heart to his fatherโ€™s amazing love, the older brother demonstrated a closed heart. He risked losing the spiritual benefits and value of his years of obedient service. Our Lord does not want this to happen to any of us; we will never be able to grow in holiness if we hold onto anger and unforgiveness.

Fifteen years ago today almost 3000 of our fellow citizens were murdered in a cold- blooded terror attack; we remember them today, and also honor all the first responders of every sort who help keep us safe. I believe the 19 terrorists who died on 9-11, along with their mastermind Osama bin Laden and other terrorists later killed by U.S. soldiers, are in hell, and deserve to be thereโ€”but I canโ€™t help asking myself, โ€œWhat if some of them repented in the final instant before they died? What if, when I get to Heaven some day, I find some of them there, too? How would I react?โ€ I hope that I would be able to rejoice that they, and other terrible sinners throughout history, were able to accept Godโ€™s mercy; I hope I would remember that God wants all sinners to repent and be saved, rather than be damned for all eternity, and thatโ€”remembering this truthโ€”Iโ€™d be able to accept them in a loving way. Actually, Iโ€™m sure I could do that in Heaven, for by the time I arrive there Iโ€™d have been perfectly cleansed of all my sins and be filled with absolute love for everyone. The hard part is trying to have this love for sinners while here on earth; sometimes itโ€™s just too tempting or natural to act like the self-righteous older son.

You probably know exactly what Iโ€™m talking about; itโ€™s so easy to see the faults of other people, comparing ourselves favorably to them and even taking a certain satisfaction in the thought that โ€œGodโ€™s going to make them pay for what they did.โ€ That may very well be trueโ€”but even if it is, itโ€™s really none of our business. The Lord can take care of exercising justice all by Himself; where He needs and wants us to help Him is in exercising mercy. Instead of judging people, weโ€™re supposed to pray for them; instead of considering ourselves better than others, weโ€™re supposed to remember our own faults and strive for humility; instead of holding onto grudgesโ€”no matter how justifiedโ€” weโ€™re supposed to forgive them, seeking the Lordโ€™s help if it seems too hard, and even asking Him to forgive them for us if this seems to be beyond our strength.

As Christians, weโ€™re sometimes called to try our best to forgive the unforgiveableโ€” whether sexual abuse, an experience of betrayal, or act of violenceโ€”including even the contemptible terror attacks of fifteen years ago. God doesnโ€™t want anyone to be damned to hell, and neither should we. If sinners reject His grace, thatโ€™s their eternal tragedyโ€” but we must not allow it to become our problem as well by acting self-righteously. Instead, we must bear witness to Divine Mercy by praying for the conversion of sinners and by forgiving and welcoming back those who repent of their sins against us. None of us is perfect or sinless; we are all in need of Godโ€™s mercyโ€”and as Jackie realized, the only way weโ€™ll ever be clothed in a white robe of righteousness is by humbly relying upon Godโ€™s unmerited grace, and freely sharing it with others.

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Written by
Fr Joseph Esper