A womanโweโll call her Jackieโhad been sexually abused by her own father when she was a little girl. It took her a long time to recover from the emotional damage, and the sense of anger and betrayal, but eventually she did, and she married a man who treated her with love and respect. They had several children, and were very happy together. Much later, after her children were fully grown, and after years of no contact with her father, Jackie received a letter from him telling her he had become a Christian, joined a local church, and had asked for and received Godโs forgiveness. He said he also realized how terribly he had sinned against her, and so he was asking her forgiveness. This letter stirred up powerful feelings in Jackie; her first reaction was โIt isnโt fair! He needs to pay for what he did to me!โ Jackie felt bitter, thinking, โHeโs getting off too easilyโplus his new church is probably killing the fattened calf for him, and heโll invite me to the party, and expect to become part of my familyโs life! No, it isnโt fair!โ
That night Jackie had a dream in which she was wearing a white robe of righteousness, with her father standing nearby in a prison outfit, representing his terrible crimes against her. Then she saw God handing her father a white robe just like hers, and she woke up crying out, โNo! It isnโt fairโwhat about me?โ Then she suddenly realized she was behaving just like the older brother in the story of the prodigal son. Jackie wept as she pondered this, and was able to admit to herself that she hadnโt actually earned her white robeโit was a gift won for her by Christโs death on the Cross. She also admitted that if God wanted to offer this same gift to her father, she had no right to object. It took a while, but Jackie was finally able to pray for her father, forgive him, and experience Godโs peace (Craig Larson, Choice Contemporary Stories & Illustrations, p. 93). There are probably times when all of us have felt like the older brother in Our Lordโs parable, resenting someone who seems to get away with things even as weโve carefully followed the rules and stayed out of trouble. However, in this Year of Mercy now being observed by the Church, Jesus wants us to understand that every good thing we have is His gift, including our own personal righteousness and our ability to live out our faith. If we insist on keeping score, God will be forced to treat us according to strict justice; only if weโre merciful toward those whoโve hurt us are our hearts able to receive the forgiveness and peace we ourselves need, while experiencing the fullness of Godโs blessings.
When the Israelites worshipped a golden calf in the desert, God had every right to destroy them for their sin, but He allowed Moses to intercede on their behalfโfor, as someone once said, if Justice is Godโs middle name, Mercy is His first name. St. Paul had a profound personal experience of this mercy. He tells us, โChrist Jesus came into the world to save sinners,โ and he lists himself as a foremost beneficiary of divine mercy. Paul was transformed from the Churchโs fiercest persecutor into its greatest missionary. Divine grace can work miracles of forgivenessโbut our hearts must be open. In Jesusโ Parable of the Prodigal Son, it took poverty, humiliation, and starvation to bring the younger son to this point. Even as he opened his heart to his fatherโs amazing love, the older brother demonstrated a closed heart. He risked losing the spiritual benefits and value of his years of obedient service. Our Lord does not want this to happen to any of us; we will never be able to grow in holiness if we hold onto anger and unforgiveness.
Fifteen years ago today almost 3000 of our fellow citizens were murdered in a cold- blooded terror attack; we remember them today, and also honor all the first responders of every sort who help keep us safe. I believe the 19 terrorists who died on 9-11, along with their mastermind Osama bin Laden and other terrorists later killed by U.S. soldiers, are in hell, and deserve to be thereโbut I canโt help asking myself, โWhat if some of them repented in the final instant before they died? What if, when I get to Heaven some day, I find some of them there, too? How would I react?โ I hope that I would be able to rejoice that they, and other terrible sinners throughout history, were able to accept Godโs mercy; I hope I would remember that God wants all sinners to repent and be saved, rather than be damned for all eternity, and thatโremembering this truthโIโd be able to accept them in a loving way. Actually, Iโm sure I could do that in Heaven, for by the time I arrive there Iโd have been perfectly cleansed of all my sins and be filled with absolute love for everyone. The hard part is trying to have this love for sinners while here on earth; sometimes itโs just too tempting or natural to act like the self-righteous older son.
You probably know exactly what Iโm talking about; itโs so easy to see the faults of other people, comparing ourselves favorably to them and even taking a certain satisfaction in the thought that โGodโs going to make them pay for what they did.โ That may very well be trueโbut even if it is, itโs really none of our business. The Lord can take care of exercising justice all by Himself; where He needs and wants us to help Him is in exercising mercy. Instead of judging people, weโre supposed to pray for them; instead of considering ourselves better than others, weโre supposed to remember our own faults and strive for humility; instead of holding onto grudgesโno matter how justifiedโ weโre supposed to forgive them, seeking the Lordโs help if it seems too hard, and even asking Him to forgive them for us if this seems to be beyond our strength.
As Christians, weโre sometimes called to try our best to forgive the unforgiveableโ whether sexual abuse, an experience of betrayal, or act of violenceโincluding even the contemptible terror attacks of fifteen years ago. God doesnโt want anyone to be damned to hell, and neither should we. If sinners reject His grace, thatโs their eternal tragedyโ but we must not allow it to become our problem as well by acting self-righteously. Instead, we must bear witness to Divine Mercy by praying for the conversion of sinners and by forgiving and welcoming back those who repent of their sins against us. None of us is perfect or sinless; we are all in need of Godโs mercyโand as Jackie realized, the only way weโll ever be clothed in a white robe of righteousness is by humbly relying upon Godโs unmerited grace, and freely sharing it with others.