I struggle. But don’t have much to complain about.
I fear. John Paul II told me “Be Not Afraid.”
I worry. Anxiety is a monster I try to cage.
I rush. Even when I am not in a hurry.
I hunger. But not sure for what.
I hope. Knowing in God is my joy.
I petition. For my needs.
I pray. Seeking understanding.
I bleed. But won’t admit I was cut.
I ache. My football coach said to get back up.
I ponder. Looking at the stars.
I wonder. What lies beyond them.
I search. To see what I missed.
I anger. At my injustice.
I fail. At seeing your justice.
I resent. When I am not seen.
I miss. Seeing you.
I journey. A circular path.
I topple. When I should pick up.
I believe. Help my unbelief.
I run. When I should stay.
I do not love. As Jesus calls me to do.
I do not feed the poor. I miss seeing Jesus in them.
I do not bury the dead. I bury those alive in my speech.
I do not visit the prisons. Even when the imprisoned are not in jail.
I am not a peacemaker.When seeking my place in the world.
I am not the dad my father was. But I understand him more as I get older.
I am not the brother I should be. Biological, fraternal or comrade.
I am not the relative that calls. Yet I always have a phone with me.
I am not the friend to cry with. But I will be there when you call.
I am an introvert. Who has learned to be loud.
I am not the deacon worthy of the stole. None of us are.
I put up walls. When I should be taking them down.
I pray the words. But God wants my emotions.
I recite the psalms.Without hearing the song.
I look at the sunset. Seeing the glory of creation.
I look at the horizon. And note the world is curved.
I miss my parents. Knowing they are both dead and still live.
I save for my 401K. Not being promised tomorrow.
I dream about tomorrow. Without living in joy today.
I hear the bells before Mass. And know they toll for me.
I carry decisions of 45 yrs. ago. As if I made them today.
I speak with confidence. Having little of it myself.
I am in awe. When I look at the cross.
I am the Imago Dei. So are you.
In all, none of this matters.
Today, I have a breath. God is letting me start anew.
