We cannot rely on our own strength when it comes to life. I must admit that I am a prideful man. I want to say I did everything on my own. Well, no one can claim this. All people have to rely on others at some point in their lives. Obviously it is all the more so with our Lord. We cannot live or move or have our being without God. Our own strength, no matter how great, is nothing without the love God has for us and the supplication we receive in the Divine Bread. We are nothing without this necessary gift. God is not calling us to run and hide or live a life of comfort. We have a sincere and earnest challenge before us. This is the invitation in the Eucharist; to continue to travel with God in faith. This journey is for the whole time of life. We cannot run away and expect to “get home” by avoiding the invitation. It is not given to us lightly by faith. We experience life in ways that are harsh and unacceptable.
Arthur Schopenhauer summed up the sentiments of the suffering person when he said that God should have never created anything to begin with. We will find our walk of wonder in life interrupted by incidents of sheer despair. This is a deeper invitation to faith. We have faith that God is real and still loves us in spite of what we endure. This is to know the Sun is still shining when all we see is an overcast day. Without sunlight we would not see anything of anything. So it is with God’s love. It is giving us life although we may not sense it. I am aware of this in my own life journey.
My Journey
My own regard to God’s image developed over the years. When I was a young kid I thought of God as a close friend and constant companion who was always walking with me. As I entered my teenage years and struggled with relationships I worried about God being a harsh and exacting judge who would only count my sins against me. I wanted to stay far away from him. When I came of age and entered Seminary I felt a deep confidence in God and His plan at work in my life. I thought of God- in the person of Christ- as a warrior and conquering hero. Now I see God again as a divine intimate, someone who rules and serves, creates and helps, and chastises when needed. His love is what inspires me. Faith shows us that God is, and true hope shows us that God always will deliver us. This coordinates the bridge to God’s love, which is most present in the Eucharist where we meet our Risen Savior.
One memory that demonstrates this truth for me was when I made First Profession as a monk. I had dipped back and forth on my vocational journey. I had gone this way and that way. Now I came to a time for decision. In the year 2016 in November I made the First Vows as a monk. This means I promised to live as a consecrated religious member of the Catholic Church in a Benedictine monastery. I made a formal request to be accepted into Vows. I was accepted by my brother monks and the date was set for November 11th, or 11/11.
The day went so beautifully. I came to the Church and my whole family was there along with close friends and coworkers. I was led by the hand to stand before the leader of the community. By fate’s sweet justice the person who received my Vows was a priest who was also my spiritual director. He formally heard my spoken request to join the community. He told me that I had walked all my life in wonder. My entire journey had brought me to this point. All that I had done and gone through was a preparation for the step I was taking. He then bestowed on me the name of the Tax Collector turned Evangelist, St. Matthew.
When I had received this name I spoke aloud my own handwritten document of profession, and after this I received a new habit and swore by the traditional Benedictine Vows of Stability, Fidelity to the Monastic Life, and Obedience. Then, I returned to my spot in choir, and then, the most important thing happened. The profession fitted into the Liturgy of the Eucharist. I find it so profound that profession of vows is celebrated as a part of holy Mass and transitions into the Consecration.
This shows that the individual is part of the Eucharistic community and he or she does not make vows alone. It is one facet of the Church’s Eucharistic life. Mass envelopes the whole ceremony and God is worshipped through the whole event. Every part is endowed with the grace of Jesus’ life-giving sacrifice. All major events in the Catholic life; Vows made in a religious community, ordination to the priesthood, and the joining of the two into one in marriage, are all parts of the Church’s lifeblood which participates in the Eucharist. All these “life cells” gain their nourishment and fulfillment from the Eucharist. This in turn empowers and impels us to persevere on the road to eternal life.
Invitation
The journey of life is not meant to be a cakewalk or a pleasure cruise. It is indeed an invitation to a journey, a long-winding trek through the valleys and deserts and plateaus of life. We cannot go it alone. I encourage you now in this time to pray to God for strength before the Eucharist. Ask Christ to give you His very life that His bread may nourish your body and His blood may give you life. Ask Jesus for all the strength you need, remembering the scene in the harsh wilderness where the Jews were sustained by quail and the Manna from above. Thus we shall all be sustained. Amen.
Walking on the Journey Home
All my life, I have searched for a deeper meaning and purpose. All throughout my journey, I have looked for the profound why, the deeper sense of what I am doing on Earth.
Searching for meaning in this obscure World can leave a soul with the sense of coming up empty and not living in the fullest sense. How can anyone keep a positive outlook when so much of the World seems faded by this?
When I behold the Holy Eucharist, when I behold the precious gifts brought forward, I remember that why. I sense in this beautiful sanctuary that time and space change in this moment. All things are brought to total fulfillment in the grace we receive, and in the grace which we stand in when we enter into Sacred time, the Kairos of the Mass. I can say I am nothing, no good at all, without my Eucharistic life. Jesus, our true savior, is given so readily to us in the Eucharist. In the spiritual life it is this love in the Eucharist that is both a source of maturity and conquest. I can say that it has been so for me.
As I continue on this journey I live with gratitude and hope. I walk in hope. I sincerely hope for the future. There are those who preach total dependence on God and absolute trust in Divine Providence. I have never mastered this. I have had issues with trust and letting go to move forward to new opportunities and blessings. I am, however, more happy in hope.
Retrospectively, hope is that one pearl of great price that I did not have before. I did not hope in better opportunities, so I did not aim forward. I did not hope in peoples’ better nature, so I did not seek friendships. I did not trust in redemption, so I did not really believe in forgiveness. Now I can honestly say I live out hope. I want to have dreams and goals because I hope in God’s promise. I am more open than when I was a youth because I hope in authentic relationships. Now I work at forgiving others because I hope in God’s redemption. I have anxiety about the future. I wonder now if I will make it in the Church as a religious. It is hard, I know. Yet putting my hand to the plow is, without a doubt, the best thing I have ever done. I believe I can reap a good harvest in my life because I believe in the One who has called me. I find new hope awaiting me every time I come to Mass and receive, in trust, the true Lord of all hope in the Eucharist. I am always grateful for my life, which has been, without any pretense, a walk in wonder.
